I don't even know how to put into words the fear that I'm feeling now, and forever will. It's not until you're living in this diabetes world everyday that you realize what that truly means; what the reality of this world is. Death. I'm still learning to say it. I haven't said it out loud yet. I've tried. "I'm scared that Boogie is going to..." is as far as I can get before that bubble builds up in my throat and the tears choke off my ability to speak. I know that I need to accept it as reality, but how do you accept something like that?
It's a good thing I was always a good student. I love to learn. And now, I will forever be learning. I want to know as much as I can about this disease and how to stay in control (as much as you can ever really be in control of diabetes). It's the only way to fight it. I do have to be able to look at myself everyday and feel like I've done everything I can to give Boogie the best care possible. I want to make sure he understands the reality. That he can learn to take control and respect this disease.
A friend shared this article today and it really hit home. It's what inspired me to write this post and to try again to say what I'm truly fearing. Please note that this article is not easy to read, but it is reality.